by Doughlas Remy
Dad: Johnny, what did you learn in catechism today?
Johnny: We learned about gays.
Dad (alarmed): What? What did they tell you about gays?
Johnny: They said that gays are “disordered.”
Dad: Oh, okay.
Johnny: What does that mean?
Dad: The catechism says gays are “intrinsically disordered. In-trin-si-ca-lly.
Dad: That means fundamentally disordered. Very seriously disordered. The Church teaches that what gays do is very seriously disordered.
Johnny: What do they do?
Dad: They do disgusting things that you’re too young to know about.
Johnny (wide-eyed): Really? (pauses to think about this) Really bad things?
Dad: Yes, very bad. Evil things.
Johnny: So “disordered” means “bad” and “evil?”
Dad: Sometimes it means “sick,” too.
Johnny: I think I get it. Like the zombies in the movies. (pause) Dad? I think there are some gay kids at school.
Dad: I don’t think so. We chose your school very carefully.
Johnny: But Mikey says Charlie Cox is gay. And Susie has two moms and no dad. Maybe she’s gay too.
Dad (pensively): I see…. Well, you just leave this to me and your mom. Don’t worry about it.
Johnny: But what should I do if they talk to me?
Dad: Just stay away from them.
Johnny (making an angry face): But Mikey and I can fight them and make them sorry!
Dad: No, Son, the Church teaches that you should love them.
Johnny: Love them? But Dad, you just told me they were sick and mean and horrible. Like zombies.
Dad: I know, son, but you have to try.
Johnny (looking confused): Do you love them?
Dad: Well, … not exactly. But … Look, Johnny, I think it’s your bedtime. Now, off you go, and I don’t want to hear anything more about this.
Johnny: Goodnight, Dad.
Dad: Goodnight, Johnny.