Archive for August, 2012

Jekyll and Hyde

August 27, 2012

by Dean Hansen

What if we silenced the language of fear,
The language of blame and disgust?
The language that turns all our passions to crimes,
That makes THEM the culprit, not US?

What if we called all the prostitutes friends,
And all the degenerates lovers?
And learned to upturn the pejorative clause,
That makes wicked and wanton our brothers?

What if the sluts and the rakes and the sots,
Accustomed to rude condescension,
Were suddenly honored as equals and peers,
The epithets placed in suspension?

What if the prodigals sold into sin,
Concupiscent, filthy and vile,
Switched their positions from outside to in,
And let us be scapegoats awhile?

What if the dykes and the faggots rebelled,
And the sodomites made us change places?
And we were compelled, scarlet letter and all,
To wear egg for awhile on our faces?

What if the sanctum sanctorum slid down,
And indentured itself as a servant,
Of all the rabble it previously found,
The best proof of our hate raw and fervent?

What if the decadent, vulgar and lewd,
The carnal, corrupt and depraved,
Were held in esteem by the very same God,
Who punished the ones who behaved?

And the tarts and adulterers, fairies and queens,
Made a festival from the occasion,
Insisting that we, in imperious glee,
Were the ones He could truly call brazen?

And what if this Jubilee sought for its king,
A celebrant lowly and vile,
Who merged his obscurity and his estate,
With the dregs that we once put on trial?

It may be accomplishment learned at some cost,
To discover words poison their speaker,
That the value of flinging them has to be weighed,
With the danger they pose to their keeper.

And what if the last word were also the first,
And love and forgiveness the rule?
And the graduate class were the scum of the earth,
And the pious were forced back to school?

Where would we go with our rudderless ship,
If that wagging old member were silent,
And every rude phrase that were shot from the hip,
Ricocheted back from victim to violent?

Or all the illusions pretentious and foul,
That kept us all smugly self serving,
Were turned into treasure and placed in the care,
Of the ones we assumed least deserving?

None of the losers would call it good news,
And more of the winners would heckle….
But why take the potion that turns you to Hyde,
When you waited so long to be Jekyll?

What Johnny Learned in Catechism Today

August 27, 2012

by Doughlas Remy

Dad: Johnny, what did you learn in catechism today?

Johnny: We learned about gays.

Dad (alarmed): What? What did they tell you about gays?

Johnny: They said that gays are “disordered.”

Dad: Oh, okay.

Johnny: What does that mean?

Dad: The catechism says gays are “intrinsically disordered. In-trin-si-ca-lly.

Johnny: In-trin-si-ca-lly.

Dad: That means fundamentally disordered. Very seriously disordered. The Church teaches that what gays do is very seriously disordered.

Johnny: What do they do?

Dad: They do disgusting things that you’re too young to know about.

Johnny (wide-eyed): Really? (pauses to think about this) Really bad things?

Dad: Yes, very bad. Evil things.

Johnny: So “disordered” means “bad” and “evil?”

Dad: Sometimes it means “sick,” too.

Johnny: I think I get it. Like the zombies in the movies. (pause) Dad? I think there are some gay kids at school.

Dad: I don’t think so. We chose your school very carefully.

Johnny: But Mikey says Charlie Cox is gay. And Susie has two moms and no dad. Maybe she’s gay too.

Dad (pensively): I see…. Well, you just leave this to me and your mom. Don’t worry about it.

Johnny: But what should I do if they talk to me?

Dad: Just stay away from them.

Johnny (making an angry face): But Mikey and I can fight them and make them sorry!

Dad: No, Son, the Church teaches that you should love them.

Johnny: Love them? But Dad, you just told me they were sick and mean and horrible. Like zombies.

Dad: I know, son, but you have to try.

Johnny (looking confused): Do you love them?

Dad: Well, … not exactly. But … Look, Johnny, I think it’s your bedtime. Now, off you go, and I don’t want to hear anything more about this.

Johnny: Goodnight, Dad.

Dad: Goodnight, Johnny.

Catholic Church Approves Condom Use, Still Uncertain About Applications

August 20, 2012