What Johnny Learned in Catechism Today

by Doughlas Remy

Dad: Johnny, what did you learn in catechism today?

Johnny: We learned about gays.

Dad (alarmed): What? What did they tell you about gays?

Johnny: They said that gays are “disordered.”

Dad: Oh, okay.

Johnny: What does that mean?

Dad: The catechism says gays are “intrinsically disordered. In-trin-si-ca-lly.

Johnny: In-trin-si-ca-lly.

Dad: That means fundamentally disordered. Very seriously disordered. The Church teaches that what gays do is very seriously disordered.

Johnny: What do they do?

Dad: They do disgusting things that you’re too young to know about.

Johnny (wide-eyed): Really? (pauses to think about this) Really bad things?

Dad: Yes, very bad. Evil things.

Johnny: So “disordered” means “bad” and “evil?”

Dad: Sometimes it means “sick,” too.

Johnny: I think I get it. Like the zombies in the movies. (pause) Dad? I think there are some gay kids at school.

Dad: I don’t think so. We chose your school very carefully.

Johnny: But Mikey says Charlie Cox is gay. And Susie has two moms and no dad. Maybe she’s gay too.

Dad (pensively): I see…. Well, you just leave this to me and your mom. Don’t worry about it.

Johnny: But what should I do if they talk to me?

Dad: Just stay away from them.

Johnny (making an angry face): But Mikey and I can fight them and make them sorry!

Dad: No, Son, the Church teaches that you should love them.

Johnny: Love them? But Dad, you just told me they were sick and mean and horrible. Like zombies.

Dad: I know, son, but you have to try.

Johnny (looking confused): Do you love them?

Dad: Well, … not exactly. But … Look, Johnny, I think it’s your bedtime. Now, off you go, and I don’t want to hear anything more about this.

Johnny: Goodnight, Dad.

Dad: Goodnight, Johnny.

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